I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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