No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
