We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
