all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
