I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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