He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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