so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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