I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
