omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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