I am puke
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
