wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
