used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Randomize
