What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
