There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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