I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You made out with two different species that night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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