yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
