I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
