Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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