i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
