one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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