it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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