quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
