i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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