He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
