Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
