So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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