last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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