this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
