ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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