he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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