She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
