how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
not ubering you a puppy
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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