I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
