He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
