She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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