we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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