there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
