Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
