i think i have two assholes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
