chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
