i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
