I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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