last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
