Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
