I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
