So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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