oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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