I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
