Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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