I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
being pregnant is like rehab
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
