There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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