His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
