I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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