For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
