I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize