The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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