I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize