My hand turned me down
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize