No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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