he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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