I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
