This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sext me about skeletons
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
