i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
cat food counts as protein by the way
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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