I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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