I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
