im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
