I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
