I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
