the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
